I am a car driving in lane #4 of the 405...

Left Behind
Last night, after this incredible evening of dinner, catching up on old times, and playing some Taboo w/ my roomies and the girls of the UFFNOS crew, I was overcome w/ this unshakeable sadness as I was walking back to my car in the parking lot after I dropped of my sister and the baby back to her place. I suddenly felt that everyone, EVERYONE, has moved on in some sort of way...except for me. Everyone tells me to be patient, my time is coming...but I started thinking...is it really? Maybe this IS what is planned for me...and am I ready to accept that? Some people are moving away, others are pursuing other things...yet others, WORKING...me, nada...waiting, sitting, dreaming, sitting...SITTING. No, I can NOT accept that..sitting here w/o a stable job, not knowing where I am, worried about paying bills, stressing because I have to borrow money from other people, feeling embarrassed, being so completely unsure about my future...Seeing everyone just pass me by...this is not my bigger picture. Feeling like I'm being held by some invisible chain not allowing me to go with anyone. I'm a year out of school and STILL, I have nothing to show for it. Everyone around me has advice for me...and I've tried it...I swear on my life, I've already done everything that they've been telling me to do...because apparently, they KNOW better. I feel like I'm some freakin sympathy case that people look at and say, "Hey, I know what would help...Maybe you should..." Well, like I've said...I've tried it already... Believe me, I am TRYING... All this...This is NOT what is planned for me. I know it, I feel it. I too will move on...I too I just have to wait for the opening to switch lanes...


"In your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go and sheltered so may thrive and grow."
-Louise Driscoll